


i'm displaying only you in the gallery of my brain

by mochiibunbun



Series: we bloom until we ache [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bang Chan's muscles, Bisexual Bang Chan, Bisexual Characters, Bisexual Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Cultural Differences, Daddy Kink, Dom Bang Chan, Fluff and Smut, Homophobic comments, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Lee Felix is a Panicked Gay (Stray Kids), Light BDSM, M/M, Pining, Responsible BDSM, Sub Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Time Skips, all of Stray Kids is there but they don't say a lot, how is that not a tag yet, only a little bit tho, sorry bout that, timewise Woojin should be there but I left him out, you can skip the smut tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:02:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29179173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochiibunbun/pseuds/mochiibunbun
Summary: The thing was, Felix had always been attracted to Chan. How could he not? Chan was the kindest person on earth, he had supported Felix through the hardships of moving to a different continent, they had a very close and special bond due to their shared heritage.Not to mention Chan was smoking hot.Once Chan came out, things changed. Of course, him coming out didn’t mean he was automatically attracted to Felix as well. But Felix struggled to keep his feelings at bay and his hands to himself.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Series: we bloom until we ache [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2145660
Comments: 17
Kudos: 273





	i'm displaying only you in the gallery of my brain

**Author's Note:**

> i got sucked into stray kids while my family was quarantined and i needed a distraction from covid. then, the clio photoshoot happened and chan's abs sent me into such an overdrive, i wrote this in less than two days without any drafting beforehand or anything.
> 
> shoutout to my beloved foster parent [fanpersoningfox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanpersoningfox) who betaed this for me even though they don't even like kpop and certainly not daddy kink. i lob u.
> 
> this is the first english fic i'm publishing and it's not my first language, so if you find any striking mistakes, please let me know !
> 
> tw for some mild homophobic comments, it's not much more than a misunderstanding though and they make up. if you want to skip it, check end notes.  
> same goes for the smut (it's not really plotrelevant so you can skip it if you want).
> 
> i am not implying any of the stray kids members are homophobic ! it's just a fact that south korea has a different stance on gay rights and people growing up there are likely to adopt it.
> 
> please leave a comment !
> 
> title is from girl girl girl by triple h

Felix’s upbringing and childhood differed a lot from the other members’. Even Chan’s, since the latter had left Australia at a younger age than Felix.

There were the obvious differences of course. Like Felix having to learn Korean and getting accustomed to using honorifics, something he did not understand at all at first. It took him a little until he stopped messing them up and memorizing when to use which one. He accidently called Minho “oppa” once, which Minho of course continued teasing him about for months.

Politeness was also a little bit of an issue. Felix had been a very loud, extroverted boy in Australia. He was told he had to learn to be more restrained and quiet, which turned out to not be much of a problem in the beginning due to the language barrier making him extremely shy. After Felix had mastered Korean though, he found it a little difficult to be more introverted and respectful towards his elders. It was not how he was used to behaving in Australia.

Luckily, Felix had Chan, who understood him and tried his best to help Felix get used to the new country and culture. Chan told him about his experiences when he first came to Seoul, how lonely and confused he was. Though Chan had nobody to show him the ropes like Felix did, Australian mannerisms and etiquette also weren’t as ingrained into him as they were for Felix.

Of course the members and staff showed a lot of understanding for Felix’s struggles with the language and formalities (JYP himself not so much, since he almost kicked Felix out of the group “because his Korean wasn’t good enough”).

What Felix found quite striking though, were the little differences. Things neither he nor Chan or the others had expected to be a problem, but differentiated their cultures a lot.

All of them were very close, so nobody really made a big deal out of it when Felix misunderstood things, even when it led to small fights amongst the boys. Once he (or Chan) had explained Felix's point of view, the others apologized and forgot about the issue.

One really stuck with Felix though. His coming out.

It happened about a year after their debut as Stray Kids.

The eight of them were having dinner together (which sadly didn’t happen as often as Felix wished it did, with Chan spending almost every spare second in the studio) and Hyunjin skimmed a few articles that had been freshly published about them on his phone, reading parts he liked or found particularly weird to the rest of the group.

“Oh, listen to this”, he called out. “‘Stray Kids’ deep voiced Australian charmster Felix confused our journalist when he was asked for his ideal type. Lee Felix wanted to know if we were interested in his taste in men or women, then went ahead and described both’.”

“Huh, ‘deep voiced Australian charmster’? Haven’t heard that one before”, Felix joked.

Only after none of the members commented did he realise that this wasn’t what had startled Hyunjin about this article.

Felix could feel Chan’s heavy gaze on him. Jeongin was uncomfortably staring at his food and Hyunjin looked at his phone as if trying to decipher binary code.

“What is it, guys?” Felix asked, his voice jumping higher in anxiety.

“Nothing, Lix-” Chan started, but Jisung cut him off.

“Just a little weird that you said what you like about men too, that’s all.”

“Why? They didn’t specify. Could’ve meant either.” 

Realization was slowly creeping up on Felix, but he tried to push it away, refusing to believe they would think like this.

Chan opened his mouth to say something again, but closed it, staring at his hands.

“No, they couldn’t have”, Changbin answered instead. “Why would they ask what you like about men? Normal men only like girls. Unless you’re like **_that_**."

There it was.

Felix swallowed around nothing, blinking a few times.

“But you aren’t, are you?”

Gathering all his courage, Felix looked up at Changbin and answered: “I’m bi, if that’s what you mean.”

“‘Bye’?” Jeongin asked. “English?”

“No, bi as in bisexual.” And since Jeongin still looked at Felix in utter confusion, Felix added: “I like both men and women. Like, romantically and sexually.”

Felix quickly looked around the table, scanning his members’ faces. All of them avoided his eyes, their expressions a mixture of shock, confusion and… disgust.

Chan was the only one looking directly at Felix, a small smile on his lips. But it didn’t ease Felix’s nerves. It wasn’t the exact same, but it reminded Felix of the smile Chan would give them when they had messed up a line or a dance move five times in a row after multiple explanations and Chan was getting tired of being nice about it.

“What, do you hate me now?” Felix snapped.

“No”, Jisung quickly replied, but it was weak and sounded almost like a question. He turned towards Chan for help, who finally spoke up.

“Of course we don’t, Felix. We love you.”

“It’s still a little weird though”, Changbin said. “Like, that’s not natural.”

Felix didn’t answer, instead looking at the others who hadn’t said anything about it yet.

Seungmin was silently pushing his food around on his plate. Minho’s gaze flew around between them hectically, also seeking someone to ground him. Jeongin looked like he had been kicked.

Hyunjin was still staring at his phone. If Felix didn’t know him so well, he would’ve thought Hyunjin hadn’t paid any attention to what was going on around him in the slightest.

Felix stood up, taking his still full plate with him. He felt sick to his stomach.

“If you’ll excuse me”, he said courtly, before setting his plate down next to the sink and disappearing into the room he shared with Chan and Changbin.

As he closed the door behind him, he could hear the discussion kicking up again, multiple voices mixing. Chan’s was the clearest. He sounded very angry. Felix couldn’t make out what exactly their leader was saying, but he was hoping he would have his back.

Felix threw himself on his bed, burrowing his face into his pillow. He could feel a panic attack sneaking up on him.

He tried to get his hectic breathing under control, forcing himself to think of happy things: the Australian sun, the beach back home, his family.

After a couple of minutes, he pulled out his phone from his back pocket, scrolling through his contacts until he found his family’s home number.

It rang four times before his younger sister, Olivia, picked up.

“Felix! Hey!”

“Hey, sorry. Am I disturbing you?”

  
“Not at all! We were having a movie night, but you are more important. What’s up?”

Felix could hear his mother’s voice in the background, asking about him. He started sobbing.

“Oh no, Felix! What’s wrong?” Olivia asked, the concern in her voice clearly audible.

“I- uhm, I think I just came out to the others?” Felix replied, hiccuping through his sobs.

“Hm. Well, I am proud of you for taking that step, but from what you sound like I guess it didn’t go well?”

Felix shook his head, before remembering his sister couldn’t see him, and stuttered out a no.

  
He never really came out to his family, not in the sense of having a serious conversation with them about his sexuality or baking a cake that said “I’m bi”. His parents didn’t raise him with the expectation of him having a girlfriend, so Felix liking boys from his kindergarten or primary class didn’t really come to them as a surprise. A couple years later, he mentioned he was bi in a conversation, and his family was totally fine with it.

“Gimme that”, Felix could hear his older sister Rachel say, who seemingly had taken the phone from Olivia.

“Felix, hun, how are you?”

“Not good” Felix sniffled. “T-They called me weird and unnatural.”

“Assholes!” Olivia yelled.

Apparently, they had put him on speaker.

“They aren’t though. They’re great but- but I never would’ve thought they’d say stuff like that.”

“Well, not to like, downplay this situation, but maybe it was just the first shock? You know, South Korea has a different stance on gay rights. I’m sure they’ll come around”, Rachel replied, always the diplomatic.

“I miss guys so much”, Felix whispered, his voice breaking.

“Darling, we miss you too!” His mother called. “And we love you, no matter what. Ask the company if you can come visit us soon, will you?”

“I will, I promise.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Felix saw the door to his room open.

“I uh, I have to go.”

“Keep us updated!” Rachel said. “And tell them I will not hesitate to get on a plane to come kick their asses!”

Felix smiled, still sniffling. 

“I doubt you can kick their asses, you know they all work out lots, right?”

“Doesn’t matter! Sibling love beats muscle!”

“Thanks. I really have to go now though. I’ll call you, okay?”

“Alright. We love you.”

Felix hung up and raised his head to see Chan slowly walking to his bed.

“Can I sit with you?” he asked in English.

Though the two of them conversed in both Korean and English, Chan knew Felix was more comfortable talking about feelings and other personal stuff in his mother language.

“Are you gonna call me disgusting?” Felix asked.

“I would never.”

Felix didn’t answer, and Chan kept standing at the foot of his bed, not sitting down until he was given permission. He was like that, always hyper aware of everyone’s boundaries and never daring to overstep.

“You can sit”, Felix said after Chan had been standing for two minutes.

Chan sat down at the foot of the bed, his hand coming up to softly stroke Felix’s leg.

“I’m sorry, Lix”, he said after a couple seconds. “I’m sorry for how they reacted and I’m sorry for not stepping in earlier, I should have. I don’t think you’re weird or disgusting or anything like that. Your sexuality doesn’t change how I feel about you, nothing ever will. I hope you know that.”

Felix nodded. He did know. Chan was the least judgemental person he had ever met, he treated everyone with respect, and expressed his love for all their fans, no matter their sexuality or gender, every week on his livestreams. Felix never feared Chan’s reaction, but then again, he also hadn’t thought the other members would be so shocked.

“The others don’t hate you for your sexuality either. It’s just- It’s different here in Korea. Different than back home. People aren’t as open here. You can still receive a prison sentence for being gay.”

Chan took a deep breath before he continued.

“The other kids didn’t grow up learning that being gay, or bi, or anything other than straight, is okay and normal, you know? Their default is straight. But that doesn’t mean they hate you just because you’re not. You’re still you after all. You’re still Felix with your insane voice and your adorable freckles who gives us cuddles and bakes stuff for us. They love you and they will never not love you. I think- I think you’re probably their first non straight friend, so I guess it was a little shocking for them? Which doesn’t justify anything, of course. I scolded them really badly, you know. They might need a day or two to come to terms with it, but they still love you, Lix.”

Felix was trying his best to keep his crying under control, but to no avail.

Chan gave him a crooked smile and opened his arms.

“Hug?”

Felix scrambled up and climbed into Chan’s lap, wrapping his arms around the elder and hiding his face in the crook of Chan’s neck. Chan laughed quietly. He pressed Felix closer with one arm, his other hand coming up to stroke his hair.

“I don’t wanna get my tears and snot all over you”, Felix mumbled.

“It’s fine. Gotta do laundry anyway.”

Felix smiled.

“Thanks Chan.”

“Nothing to thank me for, Lixie. I’m really sorry, I should’ve done more.”

“No, it’s okay. How were you supposed to know?”

Chan hummed, which sent pleasant vibrations through Felix.

“Changbin offered to sleep on the couch tonight. If you’re not comfortable with sleeping in the same room as him, you know.”

Felix thought about it for a moment.

“He can sleep here”, he said. “But…”

“Yeah?”

“Can we- can we cuddle tonight? Like, can I sleep in your bed with you?” Felix asked shyly.

He enjoyed sleeping with the other members, but rarely asked Chan for it.

“‘Course, little one”, Chan replied and pressed a kiss to Felix’s head, making him feel warm all over. “Anything for you. And for the record, your sisters are welcome to come and kick our asses.”

  
  


The rest of the group apologized to Felix the next day.

Jeongin was first, flinging his arms around Felix as soon as he left his room, crying and saying “I love you hyungie, please don’t hate me, I’m so sorry” again and again.

Minho showed him a picture of his cat Soongie holding a cat toy, edited so it was a bi flag instead, with a speech bubble over Soongie’s head saying “I love you”.

Jisung and Hyunjin dragged him onto the sofa for a prolonged cuddle pile, putting Ghibli films on and petting and massaging Felix for hours.

Seungmin and Changbin made him a cake. Well, they tried. It was dry and had too little sugar, but it was purple, magenta and blue, and the wonky icing spelled “We’re sorry Lix” in English.

  
Felix cried a lot that day.

**✯**

Chan came out as bi a year later. Not officially, of course.

He talked about Final Fantasy on his livestream and mentioned he had huge crushes on both Cloud and Tifa as a teen.

Felix didn’t watch the stream, but he saw fans freaking out about it on Tiktok.

He climbed into Chan’s bed that night, cuddling up to him and whispering “Welcome to the club, I guess?”.

Chan laughed and pulled him closer.

“Yeah, thanks little one. You gonna bake me a bi cake?”

“If you want one, sure”, Felix giggled.

“Of course I do! You know I love everything you whip up.”

**✯**

Weirdly enough, Chan’s coming out had a bigger impact on Felix than his own.

The thing was, Felix had always been attracted to Chan. How could he not? Chan was the kindest person on earth, he had supported Felix through the hardships of moving to a different continent, they had a very close and special bond due to their shared heritage.

Not to mention Chan was smoking hot.

He had kind eyes and the most adorable dimples, and soft freckles peeked through in summer when he wasn’t wearing makeup. But he also spent almost as much time at the gym as in the studio, resulting in firm abs and bulging arms.

For the most time, Felix had suppressed and ignored his feelings out of respect. He didn’t want to be one of those queer dudes coming onto straight guys. And he certainly did not want his heart (or dick) broken by a straight guy.

Once Chan came out though, things changed. Of course, him coming out didn’t mean he was automatically attracted to Felix as well. But Felix struggled to keep his feelings at bay and his hands to himself.

He climbed into Chan’s bed at night to cuddle more often, clinging to him during the day and always sitting next to him for interviews. He got a feeling Chan enjoyed it as well, as he said multiple times that he slept better with Felix in his bed, and continuously sought out his gaze and touch whenever they were next to each other.

On top of that, Chan had a habit of walking around their dorm with very little to no clothes on. Felix had a near heart attack each time Chan forgot to take a towel to the bathroom when he took a shower, always walking back to their room entirely naked. Time and time again, Felix struggled not letting his gaze drop to Chan’s crotch (he knew about the rumours circulating among their fans regarding Chan’s size. Felix had only seen Chan soft, but it was enough to know that their fans’ speculations were, in fact, spot on). More often than not, he excused himself to take a shower (and some time to himself) directly afterwards.

Naturally, the other members caught on.

Hyunjin and Jisung coaxed it out of him during film night, with comments like “Wow, what a romantic gesture. Felix, think Chan-hyung would ever do something like that for you?” or “That dude’s hot. Not nearly as hot as Channie-hyung though, right Lix?”.

Changbin noticed as well, had to, as Chan and Felix’s roommate. He knew how often Felix climbed into Chan’s bed at night and had witnessed Felix sprinting to the bathroom after Chan came out of the shower first hand. He didn’t say anything about it though, just shot Felix meaningful glances everytime.

Seungmin had straight up elbowed him and said “Stop eyefucking Chan-hyung, there are people around” one day.

Felix didn’t know if Minho and Jeongin were aware. Jeongin was probably too innocent to notice Felix’s raging hardon for Chan, and if Minho did know, he didn’t say anything. Not that Felix minded. His fellow 2000ers judging and teasing him constantly was more than enough.

Chan himself was a big question mark. On one hand, Felix sometimes got the feeling Chan did know, from the way he looked and smiled at Felix and his lingering touches.

On the other hand, Chan laughed off every even slightly suggestive or flirty comment Felix made.

Felix just really didn’t want to get his hopes up.

They kept going on like this, a little game of push and pull that only they were playing, blindly, not knowing the stakes or what the other was planning.

Things spiralled in late 2020. 

It wasn’t spring 2019 anymore, Chan didn’t have to show off his abs with every performance, and even when they did perform Miroh or Victory Song, Chan kept his clothes where they belonged - on him.

To Felix’s misfortune though, both Chan’s stylists and he himself had taken a liking to sleeveless muscle shirts, showcasing Chan’s strong arms with every chance they got.

On a good day, Felix was confident enough to cling onto Chan as usual, squeezing and poking his bulging biceps, making Chan’s ears go hot red.

On a bad day, he shot Chan death glares from a safe distance, fully knowing that if he did as much as touch Chan’s arms, he might cum on the spot.

Felix grew accustomed to Chan’s biceps on display by the time Back Door promotions came around, his attention more on their schedules than his band member’s muscles.

Their advertisement for the makeup company Clio was what did Felix in.

The staff was very sweet towards them and forthcoming, serving cake and constantly making sure all of them were comfortable during the photoshoot.

However, Chan’s stylists had definitely made the conscious decision to harass Felix that day when they picked Chan’s outfit.

Chan was wearing tight, wax-like trousers like the rest of them, but completely forwent a shirt, instead wearing a blazer over his bare torso. He had only one button closed and his trousers were sitting low on his hips, his defined chest constantly on display. When Chan bent forward, one could easily peek past his blazer at his abs, and certain movements revealed the mole under his belly button Felix was infatuated with.

As if Chan had Covid, Felix made sure to keep at least two meters between them at all times, flinching away everytime Chan was too close all of a sudden. Chan noticed, of course he did, with how clingy Felix usually was. He pouted at Felix like a child whose candy had been stolen and asked him if he was okay multiple times, Felix always answering with a court “all’s fine, hyung”.

When they had to pose for photos, Felix avoided Chan’s gaze, looking at the camera only, his body stiff as a board, much to the amusement of Jisung and Hyunjin, who were both laughing their asses off at Felix’s misery.

As if the devil had it out for Felix, Clio teamed Chan and Felix up for duo photos. Felix couldn’t keep two metres distance from Chan, but he did make sure there was not a single point of contact between them. He was still very stiff, probably looked awful on camera.

The photographer was growing visibly irritated.

“Come on Felix, loosen up!” Their manager called, but Felix did not react.

“Bang Chan, do something about this! Or these pictures are gonna turn out ridiculous!”

Chan laughed at their manager’s request, but obliged and pulled Felix into a hug, using one hand to steer Felix face into the crook of his neck.

Usually, Felix adored this position for cuddles. Now however, he was getting a lungful of Chan’s expensive cologne mixed with the sweet and salty smell of his sweat, plus an added perfect view down his blazer.

“Little one”, Chan whispered into Felix’s ear in English. “What’s got you so wound up today, hm? Relax, Pixie, it’s just me.”

The fucking petnames.

Felix went rigid, fighting his way out of Chan’s embrace.

“Fucking hell, let’s just get this stupid shit over with!” He cursed.

Felix completely ignored Chan for the rest of the appointment, not even answering when called and purposefully getting into a different car than Chan when it was time to drive back to their dorms.

(Hyunjin and Jisung had the time of their lives, constantly laughing at Felix to the point of their stomachs hurting.

“Lix, you keep this up and I’ll have abs like Channie-hyung by the end of the day!” Hyunjin howled at one point.

If Minho did not know about Felix’s crush on Chan before, he certainly did now, as Felix saw Jisung whispering something into Minho’s ear when he asked what they were laughing about, which resulted in Minho also rolling on the floor in laughter.)

Felix asked their driver to drop him off at the company building instead of their dorm, hoping he could unwind by dancing until he dropped.

He did so for a good two hours.

In the meantime, he received multiple texts, Changbin and Jeongin asking if he was okay and if they should bring him something to eat, Jisung, Minho and Hyunjin sending him dirty memes.

Felix told Jeongin and Changbin he was fine and he’d pick up some food on the way home. He ignored the other messages.

Felix was so immersed in his dancing, the music drowning out any other noise besides his heavy breathing and the squeaky sounds of his shoes against the floorboards, that Felix did not notice someone else had entered the room until two fingers poked his waist.

Felix squeaked and spun around, looking directly at - Chan. Of course.

Chan smiled, though it wasn’t teasing like Felix had expected. He looked serious.

“Hey. Can we talk?”

Felix nodded and made his way over to the stereo, turning off the music. Once he had done so, he grabbed a water bottle and downed half of it in one go, then sat down on the floor and motioned for Chan to join him.

Chan sat cross legged in front of him, looking at Felix almost sheepishly.

“I’m uh- I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way today, Lix. I don’t know what exactly was going on, but I assume I’ve been too much? It’s just been-”

Chan worried his bottom lip between his teeth. Felix wanted to stop him and kiss it better. He didn’t.

“You know, ever since we both came out, I feel like things have been different between us? Or did I misinterpret any signals? I mean, it is kind of conceited to think that just because you like guys you like me, but- I don’t know, I hope you do? Because I do really like you and I thought you did as well with how much we’ve been cuddling and stuff, but I guess I read it wrong because you kind of seemed like you hate my guts today and that’s a real shame because I would love to be in _your_ guts and-”

“Stop Chan, stop, stop!” Felix called. Chan had been rambling nonstop, jumping back and forth between Korean and English and to be honest, Felix wasn’t sure he had caught all of it.

“What did you say?”

“Do you… want me to repeat everything?” Chan asked.

“No, no, god no”, Felix quickly answered. “Did you just say… you like me?”

Chan blinked at him.

“Yes? I mean, yes, I did, and yes, I do. But I thought that was obvious.”

“No??” Felix yelled. “In what way was that obvious??”

Chan shrugged.

“I’ve been really clingy recently.”

“No!” Felix repeated. “I was the clingy one!”

Felix took a second to compose himself, then tried to recall _Chan_ being clingy. And realized that he was, in fact, right. Sure, Felix had joined him in Chan’s bed a lot, but on those nights where he didn’t, Chan had whined like a child until Felix gave in. Chan had constantly requested Felix sit next to him during interviews, car rides, shared meals or even just in the waiting room before a performance. He played with Felix fingers, called him “cute” and “little one” and somehow found a way to praise Felix in every conversation.

“Hm”, Felix said after a while. “I guess we’ve both been clingy.”

“No shit, little one”, Chan replied with a wide grin on his face.

“So you really do like me? For reals? Like for real reals? Like ‘buy you flowers and take you out to dinner and then fuck you six ways to Sunday’ reals?”

Chan laughed at his wording, but nodded.

“Then why the _fuck_ aren’t we making out yet?!”

Chan laughed again, then pulled Felix towards him and pressed their lips together.

Felix felt something erupt in his stomach, a tingly feeling spreading all the way to his toes and fingertips. He gasped when he felt Chan’s tongue prod against his lips, which Chan immediately took advantage of.

Chan pulled away after a few minutes, cooing at Felix when he tried to chase after him.

“Wait a second, Lix”, he said. “You do like me too, right?”

“Of course I do”, Felix spluttered.

“Then what was up today during the shoot? You were being really weird.”

Felix huffed.

“What was up was that you were looking way too fucking hot to be legal and it took all my mental and physical strength to not get on my knees and ask for your dick right then and there.”

Chan looked at him puzzledly for a second, then burst into laughter.

“Seriously?” he asked, his voice breathy from laughing.

Felix didn’t answer, just crossed his arms in front of his chest and pouted.

“That's why the kids were laughing all the time?”

“Yes”, Felix grumbled. “They found my misery amusing.”

“Aww babe”, Chan cooed, cupping Felix’s cheek. “How ‘bout I make it up to you then, hm little one?”

Felix tried to not give away how much the petnames and the tone Chan was using were affecting him, but judging by the amused smile on Chan’s lips, he already knew.

Chan chuckled and pulled Felix into his lap, pressing a soft kiss to Felix’s cheek.

“You’re burning up, Pixie. Do you want me to take care of you?”

Felix felt a pang of arousal going straight to his crotch, his head becoming dizzy and his vision blurring. Chan had only used this particular pet name once or twice on Felix, yet it did unspeakable things to him. Felix might not have much physical sexual experience, but he had read and watched enough porn to know what he was into and to realize he was slipping into subspace.

As he burrowed his face in the crook of Chan’s neck and whined, Chan seemed to realize as well, softly pulling back and taking Felix’s face in between his hands.

“Felix, Felix look at me”. Chan intentionally used Felix’s actual name, trying to ground him. “As much as I want to do this, because I do, we need to talk about it first.”

Felix nodded weakly.

“Do you have a safeword, Felix?”

Felix shook his head wordlessly, and Chan nodded.

“That’s okay. You know the street light system? Green means good, means we continue. Yellow means we take a break and talk about what’s wrong. Red means we stop immediately. You understand? When I ask for your colour, I need you to tell me which one it is, but you can also say them on your own if something’s wrong, okay? Can you do that for me?”

“Green means good, yellow means break, red means stop”, Felix repeated.

Chan smiled and kissed his nose.

“Exactly. You’re doing great.”

Felix whined again, making Chan chuckle softly.

“Stay with me for a second longer, Felix. Can you tell me what exactly you’re into? I have an idea but I don’t want to do or say anything you don’t enjoy.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“No, Felix, it’s not. Please tell me, okay? I won’t laugh at you or anything, I promise.”

Felix knitted his brows together, trying to think with all the fog clouding his brain and his blood entirely elsewhere.

“Don’t be mean to me please.”

“Okay. That’s great, Felix, I didn’t want to do that anyways. Anything else?”

Felix nodded, but when Chan looked at him questioningly, he shied away.

“‘s really embarrassing”, Felix mumbled, pressing his face to Chan’s chest.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about anything, Felix”, Chan said, combing his fingers through Felix’s hair. “Please tell me, I would really like to know.”

It took a good minute for Felix to speak up again, his face flushed red.

“Can I-”

He swallowed.

“Can I call you daddy? Please?”

Chan’s eyebrows shot up.

“You would like that? Calling me daddy?”

Felix whined in response.

“Sure, Pixie, we can do that. Thank you so much for telling me”, Chan said, before gripping the bottom of Felix’s thighs. “Hold on, Pixie.”

Felix quickly wrapped his arms around Chan’s neck as Chan stood up and carried Felix over to the leather couch effortlessly. Felix whined, both at the display of strength, and the way his hard dick was rubbing against Chan.

Chan sat down on the couch, Felix still in his lap. He pulled him closer by hooking his fingers into the waistband of Felix’s jeans, smiling at him.

“You doing okay, little one?”

“Kiss?” Felix asked instead of answering.

Chan obliged, slotting their lips back together in a heated kiss. Felix whined into Chan’s mouth as he felt Chan’s hands sneaking under his shirt, petting his flanks.

“Good boy, Pixie, you’re doing so great”, Chan mumbled, his lips leaving Felix’s and kissing down his neck.

When Chan started sucking on Felix’s skin, Felix balled his small hands up into fists, holding onto Chan’s shirt, and gasped out a raspy “Daddy!”.

Chan groaned in response and slipped one hand down Felix’s back, under his jeans and underwear, and grabbed at Felix’s ass. Felix bucked his hips forward, moaning at the friction.

“God, you’re killing me, Pixie”, Chan said.

“Daddy, please.”

“What is it, Pixie? Tell me.”

Felix gasped as Chan kept sucking and biting at his neck.

“Your shirt, Daddy”, he whined.

“You want me to undress, babe? You’re gonna have to let go of me first though, can you do that for Daddy?” Chan asked.

Felix nodded and let go of Chan’s shirt, leaning back to let Chan take it off. Once Chan had chucked it aside, Felix's hands quickly moved to Chan’s abs, gliding over them.

“Mh, so that’s why you were ignoring me today, huh Pixie? Couldn’t take not being allowed to touch Daddy?” Chan chuckled, pulling Felix closer again. He grabbed Felix’s ass with both hands, guiding his hips to rut up against him. Felix moaned, quickly slapping a hand over his mouth.

“Don’t be shy, Pixie. I want to hear you.”

“Daddy, I-”

“Yeah? What do you want, little one?”

Felix swallowed around his embarrassment. 

“Want you to fuck me, Daddy. Please.”

“Fuck, Pixie”, Chan groaned, letting his head drop against Felix’s chest. “I would love to, little one, really. I don’t have any lube on me though, and I doubt there’s a stash here in our practice room.”

“Your studio?” Felix slurred.

Chan laughed. “You think I have lube and condoms in my studio? I mean, I do, but you don’t look like you could even make it to the elevator, Pixie.”

Felix blushed. Chan was right. If he didn’t get some release soon, he might combust.

“Thought so”, Chan said. “Do you wanna ride Daddy’s thigh instead, hm?”

Chan could practically see Felix’s pupils dilating at the suggestion, so he grabbed Felix by his hips, shifting him so he sat on one of Chan’s thighs instead of both of them. Felix whined, wrapping one arm around Chan’s neck, his other hand staying on Chan’s abs. He slowly started humping Chan’s thigh, gasping for breath.

“Daddy-”

“You’re doing so well, Pixie. Keep going.”

Chan sneaked his hands back under Felix’s shirt, one hand gliding up to rub Felix’s nipple, the other one slipping in his jeans to squeeze his ass.

Felix picked up speed, moaning into Chan’s shoulder.

“‘s not enough”, he whined after a short while.

“Not enough, little one?”

“Nooo”, Felix cried out.

Chan pulled his hand away from Felix’s chest, instead opening his jeans and slipping his hand into his boxers to wrap it around Felix’s dick. Felix was already wet with precum, making the slide easy. He keened, bucking into Chan’s hand. 

“Daddy, god, please-”

“You’re being such a good boy, Pixie, so good for Daddy.”

Felix sobbed, but quickly grabbed Chan’s wrist to stop his movements.

“Pixie? What’s wrong? What’s your colour?” 

“G-green but- but what about you?” Felix asked, eyeing the visible bulge in Chan’s sweatpants.

“Oh, don’t worry about me, little one. I just wanna make you feel good.”

“But I want Daddy to cum too. Wanna cum together.”

Chan cooed at him. “God, you’re so adorable, Pixie. Anything you want.”

He used the hand not currently around Felix’s dick to reach into his own sweatpants and pulled his cock out. Felix moaned at the sight.

“Daddy, you’re- you’re so big.”

“Wow, you just wanted to see my cock, didn’t you, Pixie?” Chan teased. “Feels like you only like me for my abs and my dick.”

“Not true”, Felix whined.

“Really?”

“Mmh. You also have big arms.”

Chan laughed and kissed Felix, softly nibbling on his bottom lip. Felix moaned into the kiss, bucking his hips as Chan thumbed his cockhead and smeared his precum around.

Chan broke away from the kiss to spit into both of his hands before bringing them back to their cocks. He quickly kissed Felix again, muffling Felix’s moans and whines. Felix ran one hand up and down Chan’s torso, the other one squeezing his biceps. 

“Daddy, I’m- I’m close”, Felix stuttered.

“Pixie, you’re doing so great. Come on, cum for Daddy, hm?”

Chan pumped their cocks faster, his lips back to mouthing at Felix’s throat. After a couple more tugs and whispered encouragement from Chan, Felix came with a high moan, spilling into Chan’s hand, a little even getting on his abs. Not giving himself a chance to come down, Felix reached for Chan’s dick with both hands.

“Shit, Pixie”, Chan moaned.

He came soon after, his cum landing on Felix’s shirt.

Felix collapsed on Chan, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.

“Felix? Felix, are you with me?”

Chan didn’t receive an answer, so he carefully pulled Felix away from his neck, making him look at him.

“Felix? Can you hear me? Are you with me, Felix?”

Finally, Felix nodded.

“‘m embarrassed, Channie-hyung.”

Chan smiled.

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, baby. You did so great. Come on, let’s get you out of this.”

Felix obediently raised his arms so Chan could pull his shirt off, which he then used to wipe away their cum before carefully tucking both their dicks back inside their trousers.

“You got a little cum on your jeans, babe.”

“Yours or mine?” Felix asked.

“I honestly don’t know.” Chan chuckled. “I have some clean clothes in my studio. We’ll get you changed and then head home to shower.”

“Hungry.”

Felix’s whiny tone made Chan smile. 

“We can get something on the way home. Here, put on my shirt, Lix. It’s clean.”

“But then you’ll have to go to your studio half naked”, Felix protested.

“Better than wearing a shirt full of cum if you ask me. Or do you wanna walk around shirtless? Then I’ll take mine back.”

Felix quickly shook his head and slipped into Chan’s shirt. They were the same height, but Chan’s clothes were always slightly loose on Felix, since he wasn’t as bulky.

Luckily, they didn’t run into anyone on their way to Chan’s studio. The company building was usually quite empty this late in the evening, only idols who were practicing or working still present.

Chan had borrowed their manager’s car to drive over to their company, making their way home quick and easy. They picked up take-out halfway, Chan of course buying extra for the others as well, which earned him a kiss and a "I really like you, you know?" from Felix.

**✯**

Upon arriving back at the dorm, they found the rest of the members piled on top of each other in the living room, watching TV. It seemed they had just been waiting for Chan and Felix to return though, as they immediately abandoned the film they were watching in favour of the pair.

Apparently, Hyunjin and Jisung had filled the rest of the group in about Felix’s struggle throughout the day, if the way all of them cheered when they saw the hickeys on Felix’s neck was anything to go by. All of them except Hyunjin, who shrieked “YOU STINK!” and made fake gagging sounds. He was easily charmed back into liking them with the food Chan had brought though.

Two hours later, Chan and Felix were laying in Chan’s bed, freshly showered and tired from the day’s events.

“You know, I should probably write to Clio and thank them”, Chan said while playing with Felix’s hair.

“Why? What do you mean?” Felix asked.

“Well, if I hadn’t been put in that outfit for the ad we did, I might’ve never realized you like me.”

Felix huffed.

“You didn’t realize _shit_ , Chan. You literally _stopped_ kissing me to ask if I like you back.”

Chan started laughing, but it didn’t stop Felix’s rant.

“Seriously, sometimes I think you’re a complete idiot savant, with music being the only thing you’re good at. You can be so incredibly dense. You spent most of today thinking I _hate_ you, when all I wanted was your dick. And if you wanted to know if I like you so badly, you could’ve also asked the others. Literally everyone knows.”

Chan sat up, staring at Felix incredulously.

“They knew all the time? Really?”

“ _Yes_ ”, came the very annoyed sounding answer from Changbin’s bed.

“Sorry hyung”, Felix giggled. He had completely forgotten this wasn’t just Chan and his room.

“Go back to being in the closet please, you guys are horrible”, Changbin grumbled.

Felix laughed loudly, pulling Chan back down. He pressed a quick kiss to Chan’s lips before nuzzling into the crook of his neck, his favourite spot.

“No. I’m never going back.”

**Author's Note:**

> homophobic discussion from:  
> "Oh, listen to this", he called out.  
> to:  
> "Can I sit with you?" he asked in English.  
> what happens: hyunjin finds an interview where felix described his ideal type in men and women. most of the members find this really weird. changbin and jisung make some comments. chan says they still love felix. the others don't say anything. felix goes to his room and calls his family. he tells them and cries, his sisters comfort him. felix can hear chan scolding the other members. he ends the call when chan comes in.
> 
> smut from:  
> "You're burning up, Pixie. Do you want me to take care of you?"  
> to:  
> "Hungry."
> 
> i'm already thinking about a sequel to this where i explore felix's relationship with gender. lmk if that's something you'd like to read~


End file.
